Find The Light (The 3 Year Demos)

by I, Your Canvas

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about

Over the past 3 years I've been writing and recording demos, these are what I believe to be my best, despite the poor quality and consistency of the recording. It documents my growth as a person and as a Christian whilst highlighting my issues through that time.

credits

released July 2, 2016

Credit to Charles Sloper for assistance in the writing of Attack.
Credit to Idy Mirza for assistance in the writing of SASITFSABSGAS.

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about

I, Your Canvas UK

A one man, Jesus lovin', emo band from England.

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Track Name: Attack (I Disappear From Time To Time)
Lying on the ground, I can't see through the tears in my eyes. Clawing at myself, I disappear from time to time. Time and time again.

So sick of the rain when all I see is sun, my infirmities will all die one by one. I will live, theres a hope in my chest but in the attic I am lost.

I can't see through the tears in my eyes. I disappear from time to time.

I sink and swim around the depths, I don't even need to hold my breath or open my eyes to see. I'll wallow, I'll wallow.

I can't see through the tears in my eyes. I disappear from time to time.
Track Name: Sucking At Something Is The First Step To Being Sorta Good At Something
Was my epiphany all for nothing? My only comfort is sleep. I find less pain in all of my suffering, but wisdom tells me death is bittersweet. My efforts feel like they are all for nothing, despite this my endeavours will never end. God has got a plan, he's gonna give me something. I need to be patient. Tell me where and when.

I pray you would restore my lifeless heart, teach me how to try. Remind me of what I need killing all the lies, I don't want to die.

All these lines that I speak just feel like lies. Where is my faith? Where is my life?

I'll never find my own way home, cause home is what you are. Sleeps my only escape when you're not where I start.
Track Name: Bye For Now
I've started coffee again, and talking more to all of our friends. I can't wait to see you again. I guess its bye for now.

I've been listening to these sad songs, and crying alone in bed. I'm not nearly half as lonely as it feels in my head. My stomach aches and churns at the fact that you can't stay. But if I really loved you, I'd let you go away.

I've started coffee again, and speaking more to all of our friends. I can't wait to see you again. I guess its bye for now.

You lit up my world but now its time, now its time to turn off the lights.
Track Name: I Have Many Lacklustre Dreams, But Being Okay Is Not One Of Them
Looking at old messages from you. Things aren't the way they used to be. But I still pray for you. I still pray for you.

Looks like I'm tearing you apart. It kills me, it kills me that I can't tell you you've got it all wrong.

I guess one day I'll truly heal. I need to learn to stop and feel.
I guess one day I'll truly heal.
(I won't recite the sickness in my head)
I need to learn to stop and feel.
(And I'll exhale the pain thats in my chest)
Some day soon.

God don't let me be bitter, these flowers will wither if I hide from the sun. I know I'm not the only one.
Track Name: Dead Flowers On The Windowsill
My subconscious is trying to fill a hole inside me in which you used to live, but in reality filling it with anything but the sky has been tearing it open wider. Why do I constantly beat down my true ambition when I call myself a lover and not a fighter?

In all honesty I'm scared of being alone, but lust alone is nothing that can fill a throne and nothing is a replacement really. No matter how weary my eyes are feeling.

You probably think that I'm dealing with this a lot easier than you, but honestly I feel queasy at the thought of the goodbyes I said to you. I feel terrified near enough every time I fall asleep alone and every time you cross my mind my chest will ache and moan.

I'd break my word and come back but I know that this is right. I pray to God you feel the same, I hope you see the light of this situation, this waterfall thats crushing you and me. I know that this is painful, but that doesn't mean that its not meant to be.

I still miss you.
Track Name: Rest
And now my strivings fail me. My efforts are exhausted. I can't help but contain the pain inside. I can't breath under the weight of this, I need something more.

And then your voice breaks through the noise.

Rest.

I want you to be my identity, I want you to be the air I breathe.
Track Name: Myroxylon
I will proceed to identify with everything that you've taught me. I will move towards the sky I know that you hold me.

God, if there is no guilt in life why do I feel so dirty? When I am close to you, I feel in solitude with all the problems I've been ignoring.

Sever anxiety. Sick of the fear inside. I don't wanna hate myself every time I die.
Track Name: I Died 3 Years Ago
God told me to stop looking the rearview mirror, and for the most part I’ve been doing that. I’ve been raised back from the dead and I’ve been trying to brush off the dust that my grave clothes left. In a sense I keep digging through my grave trying to find something thats gonna make me whole. I keep looking backwards knowing full well that when I do I crash. And I’ve been picking at wounds and gashes that I’ve wanted to heal for so long now. I know by now that I’m not gonna live wearing clothes that are too small for me. And I’m growing to be strong. I am a branch that is attached to the vine.

As the flowers fade, I’m searching for a better way. But there is nothing but you.
As I drive away, the memories grasp onto my brain. But there is nothing, none but you.

Make me strong, so I can be like you. Make me see things the way you do.
Make me strong, so I can be like you. Make me see with eyes of you.

As the flowers fade, I’m searching for a better way. But there is nothing but you.
As I drive away, the memories grasp onto my brain. But there is nothing, none but you.
Track Name: Don't Follow Me, I'm Lost Too
Short times enough for me. Be patient, hating waiting. Search for my promises, run from the mouth that spoke them. "Her beauty astounds me." "My dreams look so exciting." My God, have I missed the point? Run to the son without fighting.

"You will be the one, to lead the lost into the son.”
But why do, I stumble, and wait around while I watch the sun set?

I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to waste my life.

"You will be the one, to lead the lost into the son.”